Do-it-Yourself: The Perfect Cutting Table
The perfect cutting table is a dream for many crafters and DIYers, but sadly, professional cutting tables are expensive! However, you can adapt your existing tables to be the next best thing by adding a top to them for only about $50! These table tops are made of material that pins can be put directly into to hold your fabric and crafting materials securely in place.
Step 1: Measure your table space!
My tables were 4ft x 8ft. Pushed together they were almost exactly 8ft x 8ft.
Step 2: Visit your local home improvement store!
You are looking for large boards of insulation called homasote. (That is the brand name and the store employees should be able to direct you to the same material under a generic name. Think Kleenex vs. facial tissue.) This material is a fiber composite, and has a consistency and weight similar to cork board, but more heavy duty. It's generally tan in color but one side might be painted.
It costs around $20 for a 4x8 piece. Make sure you buy enough to cover your desired space, and have the store cut it into the right shapes to fit on your table AND fit in your car. (Trust me on that last part... doh!)
Step 3: Get the board in place!
Lay the pieces out to cover the table, then use heavy duty masking tape to cover the seams and keep the boards together. Use the tape to seal the edges of the board to the edges of the table to keep it from slipping around. (DON'T GLUE IT DOWN! You want to be able to easily replace it if something happens!)
Step 4: Cover it!
The best material to use is tag paper. It's easy to get and cheap to replace if you want a clean work surface. Butcher paper can work as well but won't hold up as well. Use the masking tape along the seams of the paper to finish off the table and give yourself a smooth work surface.
YOU'RE DONE! :)
Have fun with your awesome new cutting table!
Wonder Woman Trailer Breakdown
The new trailer for Wonder Woman dropped this week, and I have to admit that I loved it. I officially have hope again and am REALLY looking forward to this movie, even after all the disappointments DC has brought to the screen and all the rumors about production troubles. I’m not too proud to admit that I actually cried a little when I watched it.
Watch the trailer before you read the rest of this article. If you've already seen it, proceed. Be aware that my observations and suppositions might end up being accurate spoilers.
0:00
Water. Pretty blue water… and then we see Themyscira, a.k.a. Paradise Island. They have completely nailed the look and feel of Wonder Woman’s island home, with Greek-inspired architecture and a majestic natural beauty. White peacocks roam the island, a symbol for the Greek goddess Hera who is a patron of the Amazons in many of the Wonder Woman comics. We see a few shots of the city that really give it scope and depth. It should also be noted that the footage on Themyscira is bright, with rich natural colors, a striking contrast to the dark look of DC's movies so far. Hippolyta’s (Wonder Woman’s mother) voice over speaks of the “many gifts” the gods have given them, implying that the whole island is a gift, and hinting at the Amazon’s backstory. It also segues perfectly into…
0:10
Hippoyta shows Diana a collection of guarded weapons from the gods, focusing on a sword with which young Diana is immediately obsessed. It’s unclear if this is a cannon weapon from the DC Universe or something created just for the movie-verse. Many reports call it the God Killer, which matches the name of a sword from Deathstroke's comics that was forged by Hephaestus (paving the way for some possible interaction between Wonder Woman and Deathstroke in future films?) however Wonder Woman never had that sword in the comics. I think a better bet is the sword that Wonder Woman wields in Kingdom Come. That sword was also a gift from Hephaestus and is famous for being sharp enough to split atoms and make Superman bleed. It’s a god-killer sword, not THE God Killer sword.
There is some debate about the conversation between Hippolyta and Diana in this scene. Why is Hippolyta already putting down her daughter by saying she isn’t worthy of the sword? There are many explanations, but the most likely one is pretty obvious: Diana is Hippolyta’s only child. I’ll talk about her birth a little later in this post, but Hippolyta loves Diana and wants to protect her. Training her for war, just in case, and encouraging her to participate in war are two very different things. Any Amazon who uses that sword will not be training; they will be fighting the most 
powerful foes on the planet. Also, in some runs of the comic, once Diana leaves Themyscira she is not allowed to return, thus forever separating her from everything she has ever known. Why would Hippolyta want that for her daughter? In almost every version of Wonder Woman’s origin story, Hippolyta is proud of her daughter but also heartbroken that she will not live a peaceful life on Themyscira. Hippolyta is NOT A BAD MOTHER!
0:26
Next we see Antiope training a teen version of Diana. This is thrilling because it means they will (hopefully) be spending some time on her backstory on Themyscira. We’ve seen Batman’s parents die at least twelve times on screen, so it’s nice to hope that we will get a good origin story for Wonder Woman after all this time. Growing up on the island is pivotal to Diana’s overall character. She has lived in a utopian society! She knows that it is possible for a warlike culture to find peace, because she has experienced it firsthand. This is how she is able to look past the horrors of the real world and continue to believe that there is hope for a better future… at least in the comics.
0:30
Adult Diana is training in a field with other MULTI-RACIAL AMAZONS. This makes me really happy since I grew up on George Perez’s Amazons, which came in all races and colors. So far, all of the stunt work and fights look incredible! Diana pulls some really amazing moves, but Antiope still gets the upper hand and forces her to the ground. Antiope rips into Diana for her failure, only to be blown off her feet by a mysterious blast of energy when Diana throws her arms up to protect herself with her metal bracers. As Diana stares at her bracers in shock, we hear Hippolyta say, “But she must never know the truth about what she is.”
This is causing some waves because it is not a traditional power in Wonder Woman comics. Wonder Woman was the only child of the Amazons who were blessed by the gods but had no children in their civilization. Hippolyta was so desperate for a child that she molded one out of clay and begged the gods to bring it to life. Thus, Diana was created and blessed by the gods with super powers. In 2011, the New 52 t
wisted that story into a lie told by Hippolyta to cover up an affair she had with the god Zeus. As an illegitimate demi-god, Diana takes after her father and has electric powers that she can’t quite control. Her magical bracers block her electric powers so she can function normally. The movie seems to have gone with that power set, although there is no saying what that means for her creation story. Personally, I’m really hoping they stick with the clay version of their origins.
0:53
Adult Diana watches from a cliff as a plane crashes into the ocean near the island and dives in to investigate. Steve Trevor is brought to the beach and she stares at his unconscious form in wonder. We've seen this in other trailers but it's still exciting to see such a classic moment brought to life.
1:03
Cut to Hippolyta’s throne room (is this Steve’s trial for trespassing?) and then to Steve in a dark cave (prison cell?) with Diana explaining to him about the Amazon’s mission to defend the world. This has confused people, because how are they supposed to defend the world if they never leave their island? Well, in many of the comics, Themysira is where the gods placed the entrance to the underworld. The Amazons sacred duty is to protect that gateway. Is that what that line is referring to?
1:05
War obviously comes to Themyscira, but it’s impossible to tell by these quick shots at what point in the story it happens. The bad guys are obviously not just your typical “evil” Nazi rip-offs. They seem more like Hydra (yes, I know that’s Marvel!) with weird looking hench(wo)men and super powerful weapons. Are they after the weapons on Themyscira? The gateway? Or do they just follow Steve and stumble upon the island in the beginning? So many possibilities!
1:15
Diana FLIES … or super jumps… into the vault where the Amazon’s gifts are kept and claims them as her own: the sword from the first scene, a golden lasso, and her famous red and blue outfit. Now that she’s properly dressed, let’s head to the real world!
1:21
Diana is in London, and she is not impressed. The shots and colors do a great job of contrasting the pollution and corruption of “man’s world” with the bright beauty of Themyscira, and sets the tone for the “fish out of water” feeling that Wonder Woman has in many of her origin stories. Sadly, it looks like the rest of the film continues with the dark gritty look of previous DC films after this point.
1:26
Diana hides her armor with a secret identity outfit, complete with glasses. I think this is great and fits in with the original comics perfectly. Despite her new threads the trailer sets us straight when she saves Steve from a bullet, she may be dressed like a secretary but she is still a warrior!
1:30
Now we have a montage of epic shots set to music! They are fast but there are flashes of important things! We see:
- Diana in full Wonder Woman form! She uses her shield to stop what appears to be a large shell in the middle of a battlefield.
- Diana kicking ass! She is obviously an incredibly skilled fighter.
- GLOWING GOLDEN LASSO! We’ve seen this in other trailers, but it still makes me happy.
- Diana taking off! Is she flying or jumping?
- Diana throwing a truck. Super strength? Check!
- Diana and Steve looking at one another lovingly.
- Lots of stuff blowing up!
- Diana floating above the ground! Flying!
- Diana using her lighting powers on purpose!
1:57
The voice over in this part is especially good. Calling herself “Diana of Themyscira, Daughter of Hippolyta” is perfect.
2:08
Now we have the logo and the electronic sounding music that is her theme. After the STUNNING music in the rest of the trailer, this crappy theme is jarring and out of place. FYI: I am a music snob and have hated this theme from the beginning. I blame Zack Snyder.
2:14
We get a final glimpse of Diana trying to get through a rotating door with her shield and sword, then snarky comments about the sword not going with her outfit. It’s a cute bit, but is desperately designed to show that there are lighthearted moments in the film. Personally, I hope that the movie's humor doesn’t just consist of jokes about how Diana isn't “girly."
Based on DC's previous movies, there is a good chance that the movie will still be horrible. I know that in my heart of hearts, but this trailer hit it out of the park. It may have just been expert editing, but maybe this is a good reflection of the final product. Dare I say it? I finally have some hope!
Creating Quality NPCs
Planning for a game session takes a lot of time. The GM has to anticipate the actions of the players, and do their best to create a story that is challenging and enjoyable. There is a lot of pressure on the GM to create a lot of in-depth content, often with very little turn around time if the group plays multiple times a month. NPCs can be a particular challenge since there are usually a lot of them and players expect them to have personality and depth. So how can a GM create interesting NPCs without spending hours writing their backstories?
The fastest way to give an NPC depth is to skin them over a person or character with which you are already familiar. This trick is especially helpful when the party has gone somewhere unexpected and you have to create characters on the fly. It works with personalities that you know from real life, pop culture, literature, or anywhere else! It’s easy to give the fisherman’s wife personality if you model her after your crazy aunt, or to get the mayor to seem planned if you skin him over your favorite Disney villain. Have a list of NPC names ready, and it’s possible to fool the players into thinking that you planned it all ahead of time!
Connecting NPCs to characters you already have in the game is another way to add depth and backstory to them, without starting from scratch. By linking the NPCs to an existing character, a NPC or a PC, you give quick backstory and a frame of reference with which the players can judge them. The young girl they find in the forest ends up being the cousin of the farmer they rescued in the last session, or the town guard served in the military with one of the PCs. This is a great opportunity to bring the PC’s backstories into the game, even if it isn’t a major plot point. These causal connections help make your world feel more real and less episodic. As connections build between NPCs, and between PCs and NPCs, it creates a web that It can also throw some great curve balls at the party when they discover old acquaintances in unexpected places. It’s a great game moment when the party realizes that helping that NPC a few sessions back has unexpected benefits now, or the opposite if you are dealing with a band of murder-hobos!
When you do take the time to create deep backstories for characters, it’s always more fun for the players if you avoid classic stereotypes. Not every wizard has to be Gandalf or Merlin. Not every princess has to be a damsel in distress. Make the princess a trained warrior who helps the party instead of waiting to be rescued from the tower. Maybe the wizard was trying to create an immortality spell and is now permanently an obnoxious teenager. NPCs should have disadvantages and flaws, just like any interesting PC. They should also have odd quirks that, although they don’t influence the story, make them unique in the world you have created. Odd collections of items, distinct clothing choices, physical mannerisms, and catchphrases are all great things to build into an NPC. If you are going to spend the time to create an important NPC from scratch, make them worth remembering!
Complex supporting characters enrich the game world and present the group with opportunities for collaborative storytelling. GMs should see them as opportunities as exciting as any combat session. Challenge yourself to keep things fresh and your players guessing with the use of creative NPCs!
(This article was first released to Happy Jack's RPG Patreon supporters! Support our show for access to great previews and exclusive content!)
Fitness for Gamers: Saving the Game Podcast Guest
Episode 103 - Fitness for Gamers, Part 1 (with Kimi, Chris, and Krissi)
Episode 103 - Fitness for Gamers, Part 2 (with Kimi, Chris and Krissi)
I was a guest on the Saving the Game podcast! We had a great discussion about fitness for gamers with tips about exercise, eating, and creating healthy habits. We had so much to say they split it into two episodes!
** Please note: Saving the Game is a religious podcast about tabletop gaming. The hosts discuss Christian concepts in segments of the show that are separate from our fitness discussion.
The Paid to Play Podcast: Kimi the Golden Lasso Girl
I was interviewed by Rob Farquhar of the Paid to Play Podcast!
We talked cosplay, tabletop games, and other geeky stuff. The focus of this podcast is on how to enrich your life with amazing hobbies!
Visit the Paid to Play podcast's website!
Wonder Woman will do Wonders for the UN
On Wonder Woman’s 75th anniversary, the United Nations appointed the super heroine as an Honorary Ambassador for the Empowerment of Women and Girls. It seemed like a great public relations move for the UN and for Warner Bros., who made sure that Wonder Woman movie star Gal Gadot and TV star Lynda Carter were on hand for the ceremony. As an unabashed Wonder Woman fan, I was thrilled.
Not everyone was so excited.
Over one-hundred UN staffers protested the appointment at the UN, and over one-thousand have signed an online petition against the fictional superhero receiving the honorary appointment. They cited Wonder Woman’s body proportions, revealing outfit, and race as reasons that the heroine was not an appropriate choice for the post.
"It is alarming that the United Nations would consider using a character with an overtly sexualized image at a time when the headline news in United States and the world is the objectification of women and girls," they declared on the petition. They argued that it was inappropriate to nominate a fictional character when there were many real women to represent and speak out for women and girls. The American flag themed outfit was also mentioned in their issues.
I understand their issues with having Wonder Woman as an ambassador, but let’s look at the issue more closely.
Wonder Woman is not the first fictional character to be named an honorary ambassador. The UN has been nominating fictional characters to honorary posts for almost twenty years. Winnie the Pooh, Tinkerbell, and Red, the leader of the Angry Birds in the mobile game, have been named Honorary Ambassadors. I think it can be argued that Tinkerbell’s outfit is just as skimpy as Wonder Woman’s, and she’s just as white. Diana's image has been used as an international symbol for women’s rights, breast cancer awareness, and countless other female causes. Why is she less worthy than a red bird from a mobile game or a bear who struggles to spell “honey” correctly?
Since the early 1950s, the UN has named “prominent personalities” (read: celebrities) as ambassadors to highlight key issues and draw attention to their efforts. They have named Nicole Kidman, Emma Watson, and Ann Hathaway as official Women’s Goodwill Ambassadors. They are all icons of beauty, and are all very, very white. The idea behind nominating famous individuals is to draw attention to the issue. Despite speeches and trips, their real power is in their ability to generate headlines. I would argue that Wonder Woman, despite being a fictional character, has that same power. How many young girls, comic book fans, and curious internet wanderers paid attention to this event simply because it was Wonder Woman? How many MORE people paid attention because of this controversy? I’d be willing to bet that more people became aware of the UN’s support for women’s rights because of Wonder Woman’s appointment than due to any other ambassador they’ve named for that cause. The whole point of naming “honorary” and “goodwill” ambassadors is for the PR, and Wonder Woman has already been wildly successful at drawing attention to this issue.
I think, of all the arguments these protesters have made, the one about her outfit upsets me the most. Different cultures have different ideas of what is acceptable and what they believe is beautiful, but shouldn’t the idea of female empowerment include a woman’s right to not be judged by what she wears? A woman in a bathing suit should be as respected as a woman in a business suit. Saying a character isn’t a good representation of female empowerment because of her clothing runs completely counter to how true female equality works. The power should be with the woman, not those around her to observe and judge.
This character was designed as a feminist icon from the beginning. She was the first prominent female superhero that was completely original and not a derivative of a male character, such as Supergirl and Batgirl. Her character biography has changed over the years, but she’s always been able to go toe-to-toe with the world’s most powerful heroes and emerge victorious. She represents a thriving all-female culture that isn’t in need of male saviors or caretakers.
These protesters should look past her star-spangled briefs (now updated to a Roman-inspired leather skirt) to what the character really means to her fans. I’ve walked the convention floor dressed as this character. I’ve seen the excitement on little girls’ faces when they see me. They proudly wear their tiaras and flex their muscles with me. In a world that is dominated by love-obsessed Disney Princesses, Wonder Woman shows young girls that they can save the world.
How to Track a Specific Pokémon
EDIT 8/5/16: It seems that the developers have abandoned all tracking methods and there are currently no plans to add them back into the game. :(
EDIT 7/17/16: This tracking method has been corroborated by multiple sites, however the GPS function on the Pokémon Go app has developed some issues. This method does not currently work, and the paw print distance indicator isn't functioning either. The game is still playable, but there is no known way to track individual Pokémon until the issues are fixed. Hopefully, that is soon.
Pokémon Go has taken the world by storm! People from all walks of life are walking for miles to catch digital creatures, hang at Poké Stops, and meet other players. The game is even more popular than porn! All of us have favorite Pokémon that we want to catch and evolve to the next level, but it can be hard to catch enough of our favorites to make that happen.
Here is the method that I have put together to track down specific Pokémon that are nearby. I developed this method through sources I found online and my own trial and error. Your milage may vary, but it's been very successful for me!
1. First, it's important to be observant and make note of where different Pokémon spawn. They tend to reappear in the same general areas, so you're more likely to catch a specific Pokémon in an area you've seen them before. While water Pokémon tend to spawn near water areas on the map, there is no evidence that electric 'mon spawn near power plants, etc.
2. To track a specific Pokémon, it has to appear on your "Nearby" screen, which means that it is in a few block radius of you. Open that menu by tapping the white bar at the bottom right of your main screen that shows three Pokémon. 
When the menu pops up, it will show a list of up to nine Pokémon. Walk around in an area where you know that your desired Pokémon spawns until it appears in one of the nine slots on your "nearby" tab.
3. The Pokémon in the first spot is the closest to you and the Pokémon in the ninth slot is the farthest away. If you are heading towards your targeted 'mon, it will bump closer to #1 on the list. If you are headed the wrong direction it will bump to a lower number or disappear from the list entirely. Use this as a hot/cold guide to finding your Pokémon. For example, if you are headed north and your 'mon bumps from 5th to 1st, yay! But if then it bumps back down to second, you know you've gone too far north. Retrace your path until it appears as #1 again, then try going east or west. If it stays in #1 great! Keep going! If it bumps down on the list, go back and try the other direction. Finding it takes some trial and error, but once you practice a bit, you can track down a specific 'mon from blocks away in a very short time period.
4. Once a Pokémon is in the 1st spot, you can use the paw prints to close in on it by continuing the hot/cold method, with paw prints increasing or decreasing as you get closer or farther away. For a more exact approach you can use this method being passed around on Reddit.
5. Throw a Poké Ball to capture your desired Pokémon! Woot!
NOTE: If you walk for a while and notice that your "Nearby" list hasn't changed at all, try closing the app and restarting it. Like with so many other aspects of this game it can freeze and crash sometimes.
(EDIT: THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH HAS BEEN PROVEN FALSE!! THE GREEN PULSE INDICATES A CHANGE IN ORDER OF THE POKEMON THE "NEARBY" SCREEN LIST! IT DOES NOT SHOW DIRECTION OF POKEMON! I am leaving this section up so people know the rumor and that it is NOT TRUE!) A rumor is floating around about another tip!
Supposedly, when you select a specific Pokémon on the "nearby" list (you select it by tapping the 'mon and a circle appears around it) it will appear by itself in the white bar at the bottom of the main screen. Make sure your compass is on and slowly face different directions. When you see a green pulse from the bar where the Pokémon is, that means you are facing the direction you need to go to catch that Pokémon. I've had some success with this, but my avatar tends to flip out and face different directions when I try it, so it's impossible to tell which direction is correct. It doesn't seem reliable enough to trust completely on its own, if it is really true at all.
Other helpful hints:
- Stop walking when you notice the white Poké Ball loading image spinning at the top of the screen. This means that the Pokémon in your vicinity are still loading in the app, so if you keep walking you could miss out on a spawn or your tracking with the "nearby" screen could be thrown off.
- More than one person can catch a Pokémon when is spawns, so enjoy the game with friends! The 'mon will spawn at different CP levels depending on the player's level.
- Lots of areas are developing popular lure hangouts, especially in places where multiple Poké Stops are close to each other. Make use of these areas to maximize Poké-catching opportunities and to chat with other fans! Be careful and stay safe though, especially if you are Poké-hunting in the evenings.
- Turn down the brightness on your screen and turn off the game music and your battery will last a lot longer, especially if you are an iPhone user!
Now, go catch 'em all! :)
Corsets 101: Picking Your Corset
Don't waste your money on a bad corset! Learn how to tell if a corset is high quality so that it fits you right and will last for years! There are lots of tricks and tips that will help you get the corset that is right for you!
Post any questions in the comments or reach out on social networks! Thank You for Watching! Subscribe if you want more Golden Lasso Girl videos!
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The Truth about Waist Training
Waist training may be the current rage with many celebrities who are trying to look thinner, but using corsets to modify the human silhouette can be traced back hundreds of years. However, while true corset training is a legitimate form of body modification, the "corsets" that celebrities are peddling are nothing more than Instagram snake oil. Dita Von Teese, international burlesque star and corset expert, agrees that the contraptions that celebrities are wearing aren't effective. “I think it’s funny because I’m watching and it’s like the blind leading the blind,” she remarked on HuffPostLive. “People that actually know a lot about corsetry are not the ones that are publicly speaking about it, and I’m seeing some of these corsets that they’re saying are waist shapers and I’m like, ‘That doesn’t work.’ They’re like stretchy fabric.”
True corset training is actually one of the oldest forms of body modification. It requires a steel boned corset made from stiff fabrics that is made to fit a person's custom measurements. Continuous wearing of such a corset, and gradual tightening over many months, eventually compresses the person's floating ribs (thats the bottom two ribs on the ribcage) and creates a smaller waist measurement. The results can be very dramatic, but it is not a permanent change. The floating ribs will revert back if the subject spends too much time out of a corset. High quality corsets that fit properly are a must because an improper fit can cause problems to the spine and posture.The person is literally changing where things are in their body, so it is not something that should be done without lots of research and advice from health professionals.
The recent fad of "waist training" has almost nothing in common with the historical form and for very obvious reasons. All you have to do is compare the corsets. The red is a steel-boned corset made for waist training in the traditional style explained above. The purple ones are the stretchy "corsets" (I will call them "shapers" for the rest of this article) that are being praised by the Kardashians and other celebrities.
You can see that the real corset forces the body to change shape, while the shapers compress the fat but still follow the body's natural line. The corset is made of metal and thick fabric, usually a stiff canvas covered with a prettier material for looks, while the shaper is made out of strong elastic which will bend when pressure is put against it. You can also see that the shapers lack the sewn channels that hold the metal bones that are very obvious on the real corset. Finally, the price. A good steel boned corset that fits well should run you anywhere between $100-$400, while the cheap shapers are being sold on Amazon for as little as $15. As with all things, you get what you pay for.
These modern shapers are basically a different style of Spanx. They will help you look and feel thinner when you wear them under clothes (No shame! I wear shapers with certain cosplays and outfits!) but they will not help you lose fat or make your waist thinner. Some people claim that they lose inches from wearing these, but this is most likely due to the temporary compression that happens whenever our tissue is put under steady pressure, similar to the seam lines you get in your skin when you wear tight jeans. There is no scientific evidence that these elastic shapers have any lasting impact on the body's shape. However, it is possible that wearing these shapers makes people more conscious of their eating habits, which can be very helpful to adjusting food intake and contributing to weight loss. In that way, they may be beneficial.
The internet trend of working out in these shapers is a bad idea. They can restrict your range of motion and restrict your breathing, which increases the chance for injury and will keep you from working to your full potential during a workout. If you can't do a movement or run a distance to the best of your ability you are not going to benefit fully from your fitness plan. There is also evidence that wearing shapers or corsets for extended periods of time regularly may have a negative impact on your core strength since the clothing is holding your weight instead of your abdominal and back muscles. Skip adding these to your gym bag.
There is no magic bullet for losing weight, and while true waist training can give you a more dramatic figure, it does not change your body composition. No type of waist training directly results in fat loss. Your body fat is still there and you are not healthier for getting a smaller waist through body modification. The healthiest way to get a smaller waist is through an informed combination of diet and exercise. If wearing a shaper or a corset makes you feel good about yourself, great, but make sure that you have done your due diligence and have realistic expectations.
Fire Zack Snyder
And I don’t think changing him… you know, people are always like, “You changed Superman,” and I’m like, if you’re a comic book fan, you know I didn’t change Superman. If you know the true canon, you know that I didn’t change Superman. - Zack Snyder
Batman v Superman had everything going for it. A great cast, decades of content to draw from, and hundreds of millions of dollars should have laid a successful foundation for a great superhero film. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. While the film had enjoyable moments, its flaws far outweighed its positive qualities. There have been hundreds of articles published about how Zack Snyder didn't "get" the characters in this movie. I have decided to focus on the flaws in directing and film making that lead to this film's downfall, instead of analyzing his interpretations of the Justice League as characters... except with Wonder Woman. (You knew that was coming...)
Superman
Superman is easily the least likable character in the entire film. This is an impressive feat of crappy directing considering the Man of Steel is played by Henry Cavill, who I have adored since The Tudors. I haven't seen a talented actor given such bland direction and such terrible dialogue since the Star Wars prequels. We are introduced to Superman through the eyes of the citizens of Metropolis during his fight with General Zod from Man of Steel. He is a small figure flying above them as buildings crumble and people die. The level of destruction is unforgivable, especially to an audience that lives in a post 9/11 world, and afterwards Superman NEVER MENTIONS IT OR EVEN SEEMS REMORSEFUL. The people of Metropolis build a huge statue of him as part of their memorial, but no time is given to redeeming Superman in the audiences' eyes. We get a handful of shots of Superman being a hero (while looking depressed and unhappy), but Snyder doesn't spend any time building him up as a hero in our eyes. Most of Cavill's dialogue is focused on how dangerous Batman is, which after the opening scenes of Metropolis being leveled seems forced and incredibly hypocritical. The script never provides any depth of character, endearing moments, or proper motivation for his thoughts or actions. The lame attempts to humanize him via bathtub sex with Lois Lane or weird dream sequences about Jonathan Kent stacking rocks fail. I found myself agreeing with the characters who thought Superman was dangerous and wanted to stop him. Snyder slacked on character building because he thought we'd support anyone wearing the "S", and he was very wrong.
Lex Luthor
The Lex from Batman v Superman is actually more like Lex, Jr. from the comics. He didn't build Lex Corp, and is lacking the serious businessman attitude that we are used to seeing in more traditional renditions of this infamous villain. Oh, and he has hair. The character actually works as a young, socially awkward tech-billionaire, but Snyder sacrifices the genius that makes the comic book character worthy of being Superman's nemesis in favor of more CGI and slo-mo. NOTHING ABOUT LEX'S PLANS MAKE SENSE! He is king of the plot holes. He kills a Senator because she is going to block the importation of Kryptonite, but his secret ship with the rock is already docked so it wouldn't have impacted his plans at all. He blows up a hearing that was going to impose sanctions AGAINST Superman (wouldn't Lex want that?) because Snyder thought it would be cool to watch a room of innocent people burn up around Superman. Finally, we get to the big master plan: trick Batman into killing Superman. Considering nobody has actually tested Kryptonite against Superman yet, this seems like a really bad plan. Plan B is even worse because Lex turns General Zod's body into one of the cave trolls from Lord of the Rings to kill Superman, just in case Batman fails. WHAT IF BATMAN HAD WON?? We'd have a mindless cave troll, sorry, DOOMSDAY on the loose and Superman would already be dead. Or what if Doomsday had succeeded in killing Superman and then was unstoppable and destroyed everything? Bad plan, Lex.
More annoying than the lame Wile E. Coyote level plots was Lex's complete lack of motivation. His goal is obviously to beat Superman, but we never know why. He makes some comments about devils coming from above, that absolute power and innocence are incompatible, and references his father's physical abuse, but we are never told the reason for his hate. Is he jealous of Superman's power? Afraid for mankind? Maybe someone he cared about was killed in Metropolis? In true Snyder fashion we get some cool shots of Lex Corp and some weird dialogue instead of real character development or backstory.
Batman
(AKA the other billionaire in the movie trying to kill Superman) Bruce Wayne/Batman is the most developed character in the movie and is the only one whose motivation we actually know. We saw him trying to save lives in the streets of Metropolis as Superman and Zod tore it apart. He clearly states that he wants vengeance for the thousands killed that day and is terrified by Superman's unlimited power. That's really where the good stuff ends. This Batman brands people for no logical reason, other than Snyder needs a plot device that gives Superman a reason to hate him. I really love (read: think it's stupid) that it's the branding that pisses Superman off and not the FLAT OUT MURDER of bad guys with the Batmobile's machine guns. Most troubling is the fact that we are given absolutely no history of this Batman's crime fighting. Has he always been a murderous vigilante? Did he start out as a hero and then start killing after losing hope? Did the death of a friend break him? Was he pushed to this extreme after the appearance of Superman and the realization of his own limitations? The cops seem to hate him, but there is still a Batsignal? No relevant background information is given to the audience to put Batman's actions in the larger context of his time in the cowl. But good thing we spent time showing Bruce's parents being murdered... again.
Since I disliked Snyder's city-murdering Superman I was really hoping that Batman would be a hero. He isn't. I get that this is an older, darker Batman, but he never does any real detective work or uses his brain. In Snyder's attempt to put at much mindless testosterone in the movie as possible, his ONE big scene with the Bat Computer is interspersed with shots of Bruce doing Crossfit in the Bat Cave. Batman's intelligence is what makes him so powerful in the DC universe, however we see no evidence of it in this movie.
Maybe it's the Gotham City in me, but it just seems like another example of the script taking a back seat to the visuals of the movie.
Wonder Woman
I am pretty pleased with Wonder Woman's appearance in Batman v Superman. She looks great and wasn't in it enough for Snyder to ruin. We don't really get any character development or backstory for her, but I'm thrilled that they are leaving that to the Wonder Woman movie and Patty Jenkins. It seems that some important elements of her traditional comic book persona are intact. She goes by the name Diana Prince and is immortal (or at least doesn't age) since we see pictures of her from World War I. We see her kick some serious ass in the fight with Doomsday, and it seems her bracelets deflect even the most powerful of blows, and SHE HAS A GLOWING GOLD LASSO that she uses effectively in battle. Considering how little Batman does in the fight, and how much time Superman spent talking to Lois Lane, I think it's safe to say that Wonder Woman was the MVP of that beat down.
Wonder Woman spends most of the movie at fancy parties. Her role in the movie seems out of place, which is unsurprising since they added Wonder Woman to the story long after the project was developed. She is trying to track down a picture that Lex Luthor has of her from World War I and serves as proof that she is superhuman. Unfortunately, it seems that Diana doesn't understand how digital files work and that Lex probably has back up copies somewhere, but it does lead to her meeting Bruce Wayne. There were some golden moments through, despite her brief appearances and few lines. One of my favorites is when Lex references Greek mythology in a lame speech as a party, and the camera cuts to Diana rolling her eyes. (Yes, I was the only person in the theatre that laughed at that point.) The shot of her from WWI is intriguing and combined with her lines about pulling away from the world makes me WANT to know more about her history. WWI is an underrepresented war in motion pictures and I can't wait to see how they tie in my favorite Amazon. Finally, there is the now infamous smile during her fight with Doomsday which shows that Gal gets some of what Diana is about.
Lois Lane
The feisty reporter serves the same role in this movie as she did in her early appearances in the comics, a damsel in distress for Superman to save... repeatedly. She spends most of the movie tracking a mystery bullet that ends up being meaningless to the plot and a huge waste of screen time. Nothing she learns gives the "good guys" any advantage, or gives the audience any more information than they already had. Mostly she is there as a plot device to put Superman in danger.
The Justice League
"Shoehorned" doesn't quite cover how forced and clunky the addition of other Justice League characters was in Batman v Superman. Batman emails Wonder Woman the files of super-humans that he stole from Lex Luthor's files. We then cut to shots of Wonder Woman READING that email line by line (what??) and then opening each file. I'd like to point out that each file is labeled with the logo of its corresponding Justice League member. (I guess Lex designed their logos? Did he design their costumes too?) She opens each file and views footage worthy of any made for Syfy movie. Seriously. The scene of Cyborg's creation looks like a badly made TV show, not like laboratory footage like they intended. Aquaman's debut was awkward for the audience and the actor alike. He looked so uncomfortable underwater that it made us feel uncomfortable to watch him. Seriously pathetic. Flash's security camera footage wasn't too bad, but his crazy time-travel appearance in Batman's dream-within-a-dream (screw you Snyder) confused everyone and had NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY PLOT POINTS. He warns Batman to save Lois Lane but there are no points where this warning seems to matter after that. I guess maybe they are hinting at Batman being able to tell the future? No clue. Even with decades of comic book knowledge at my disposal I found this confusing.
Zack Snyder is the master of cool visual effects and slow motion. He is also the king of badly developed characters, plot holes and wasted screen time. I think that it's ok for DC's movies to have a gritty, real-world feel. They don't need to copy Marvel's light-hearted formula, but they do need to make sense! I'm fine with seeing Batman and Superman deal with the consequences of vigilantism politically and in their personal lives, but we have to care about the characters for any of that to matter. The audience has to see more than bad ass CGI action to become involved in the story emotionally, and this is where Snyder has failed. He tried to stuff too much into this movie, which made it all meaningless because there wasn't enough time spent on anything for us to become invested.
Zack Snyder is a bad movie maker. He took two of the most emotionally complex stories in the DC universe, combined them, and managed to make them incredibly generic. Warner Bros. shares the blame. In their desperation to catch up to Marvel they have not taken the necessary time to build up their universe. Combine that rush with a director who already cuts corners in his storytelling and you have a recipe for disaster. We told them we were unhappy after Man of Steel and there have been red flags about Batman v Superman since the project started. WB didn't listen. Hopefully, the 69% drop in revenue from opening weekend will finally catch their attention. We aren't going to love something just because it has the Bat-logo on it. MAKE A GOOD MOVIE!
Wake up, WB! Keep Snyder in charge the visuals, because it's the only thing he is good at, and get someone with the chops to create a real cinematic universe for DC! A universe with depth and characters that we actually see as heroes.